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Help for Families


Beyond Blame System: Book to Guide Families Through the Five Steps

Powerful Teaching Tool

Finding out that someone in your life has borderline or narcissistic personality disorders will turn your world upside down. On the one hand, it's great to finally figure out why your loved one acts in such confusing and hurtful ways.

But on the other hand, it's overwhelming. It could take months to go through all the books, websites, and other resources. And after that, you still might not learn the most effective steps you can take to stop walking on eggshells. Information for family members can be biased, vague, incomplete, or not applicable to your particular family member.

That’s why I developed the Beyond Blame system, which you’ll find in my book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. After 15 years of helping partners, parents, adult children, siblings, and other with a borderline loved one, I discovered that it was taking family members too much time—years in most cases--to understand their situation and apply the right tools to make their life much better.  

So I spent three years developing a system to take family members beyond the blame game with their loved one (“it’s YOUR fault—no, it’s YOUR fault!”), past the useless destructiveness, and enable them to make the right choices, feel happier and more in control, and help their disordered loved one and their children or grandchildren.

The key is to stop trying to do everything at the same time. Clinicians find clients with BPD and NPD the most difficult to treat once a week, while you’re dealing with troublesome attitudes and behaviors all day, all the time. My step-by-step system gives you a foundation to build on and give you the most effective tools to learn how to cope.

Benefits of the Beyond Blame System

  • Feel less stressed and run down Become more confident and clear about who you are and what you need
  • Know where to concentrate your efforts
  • Be able to free yourself from non-productive, aggressive conversations
  • Improve your problem-solving skills
  • Learn how to help your family member without rescuing him
  • Feel more self assured about setting limits without backing down